>I’ve got blog posts in my head, but no energy or spark to write them. I feel drained and droopy and altogether too sorry for myself. I’m struggling at the moment and am nowhere near the traditional image of the strong and perky ‘breast cancer survivor’. The recent head injury and the resulting suspected labyrinthitis (dizziness caused by ear problem) are making me miserable. I can’t drive, am still signed off sick from work, which is worrying as I am already in the HR system for managing attendance due to last year when I was off after catching every bug going. I feel generally worn out and brought down by the whole thing. I suppose being ‘poorly me’ again has bad connotations from before and I’m starting to brood and mope.
I think it’s the effect it has on those closest to me that is hard. Just before I tucked him in tonight, little O said to me, “I prefer normal Mummy, not this dizzy head Mummy” which really made me feel worse. I know that ‘breast cancer Mummy’ was not a barrel of laughs either and I feel like I’m letting my boy down again. M has been his usual great and supportive self, but I feel bad that he’s playing the carer once more. My friends and family have been shining stars, helping with O and getting me to and from hospital and the GP, but it is hard to feel like the ‘poorly’ one again.
I don’t really know why I’ve written this – it really is a horrendously dull and self-obsessed post. I’ve definitely put up with and got through worse and it seems a bit pathetic to be wibbling on about dizziness, but maybe writing it might make me look at things a bit differently tomorrow. Sorry for my wittering anyone who actually manages to read this – hopefully this is not a regular feature in the life of my blog…
fenngirl 